INTERVIEW ONE
DETECTIVE walks in to FLOAT FRANCINE and INTERGER IVY nervously sitting in a dark room.
FRANCINE and IVY are fraternal twins who are both quite odd. IVY has a tendency to shout her answers and FRANCINE is always correcting IVY with the exact number. FRANCINE never looks at the camera.
DETECTIVE
Who do we have here then, FLOAT FRANCINE and INTEGER IVY? Twins… huh? Don’t look identical must be fraternal. Well then, let’s get started. How old are you two?
INTEGER IVY
21
FLOAT FRANCINE
21.546
DETECTIVE
Right… What time did you vacate the spaceship?
INTEGER IVY
4
FLOAT FRANCINE
4:07
DETECTIVE
Okay, 4:07. Was that in the morning or the afternoon?
INTEGER IVY AND FLOAT FRANCINE
…
DETECTIVE
Hmph? Well uh… hmm how tall are you?
INTEGER IVY
167
FLOAT FRANCINE
167.68
DETECTIVE
Onnne siiiix seeeeveeeen point siiiix eiiiight. Okay. And how much did you spend at the movies that evening?
INTEGER IVY
$15
FLOAT FRANCINE
$15.50
DETECTIVE
Ooh ah. What film did you see? I hear The Matrix is really good.
INTEGER IVY AND FLOAT FRANCINE
…
DETECTIVE
(nervous cough) What’s your telephone number?
INTEGER IVY
382 45678
DETECTIVE
Okay, and your address? I’m assuming you live at the same residence?
INTEGER IVY AND FLOAT FRANCINE
…
DETECTIVE
Hmph? Well then… the address?!
INTEGER IVY
24
DETECTIVE
24 what? 24 what? 24 Weetbix in a large sized box of Weetbix?
INTEGER IVY AND FLOAT FRANCINE
…
DETECTIVE
Oh Jesus this is ridiculous. I bet they don’t even know their bloody postcode…
INTEGER IVY
6011
INTERVIEW TWO
BOOLEAN BARRY (BB)
BARRY is a sly fellow; he doesn’t give anything away too easily and is very vague.
DETECTIVE
Whoa partner. Alright so… Boolean Barry eh?
BOOLEAN BARRY
True.
DETECTIVE
Says here you’re 22 years of age?
BOOLEAN BARRY
True.
DETECTIVE
Brown hair, brown eyes, a bit dim…
BOOLEAN BARRY
True, true, FALSE.
DETECTIVE
Ha ha. Okay so FF and II said you left the spaceship at 4.07?
BOOLEAN BARRY
True.
DETECTIVE
Right, right. And what method of transportation did you use? We found a hover board, but then a couple of streets down we also found a Pegasus tied up.
BOOLEAN BARRY
…
DETECTIVE
What? I can’t hear you son. Was it the Pegasus?
BOOLEAN BARRY
False.
DETECTIVE
Oh. Well damn we’re stuck with a Pegasus now. I mean that could be a lot of fun. I wonder how much he’ll go for. Uhh getting sidetracked.
BOOLEAN BARRY
True.
DETECTIVE
Hey now. So who was with you at the time?
BOOLEAN BARRY
…
DETECTIVE
Right. Damn you and the other two don’t speak much.
BOOLEAN BARRY
True.
INTERVIEW THREE
STRING SADIE
SADIE is a very chatty lady. She comes across as confident but it is obvious she is being overly chatty to hide her nerves.
DETECTIVE
String Sadie, the cleaning lady. (Chuckles). Now String Sadie, can you please talk me through the evening?
STRING SADIE
You know. Well, ok, well we went to the hospital at first to see if anyone was there but we didn’t end up knowing anyone, which, you know, was good because the hospital is bad unless, you know, you work there, unless you, like, hate your job or something. Anyway! Then we decided to just go for a walk and eventually we got hungry so we, you know, wanted some food, so I was like, “can we get some food?” and they were like nodding their heads, so I was like, “Pizza!” so we went to the pizza place and, oh that’s what its called! Pizza Place like that. We went to the PizzaPlace together, you know, anyway. We got Pizzas, I had sauce on mine! So good! Yum. Anyway okay. So I wanted to swim and they were like, well, they said, you know. HA! So we went to the beach and I swam and it was like really cold then I had an ice-cream and a beer and I thought I saw a dolphin but in retrospect I don’t think I did… where was I? Oh! Yeah! This is great! This is the funniest bit. Well not the Funniest but, well… What?
You know, okay. Argh, stop interrogating me! We did it okay. You know. (Exhales and says Fuck.)
Scene Four
The characters are all holding up their mug shots with their names around their necks against a blank wall. All characters are in the shot.
STRING SADIE
“Well we are all going to hell now”
INTEGER IVY
“One”
STRING SADIE
“By”
INTEGER IVY
“One”
BOOLEAN BARRY
“True”
STRING SADIE
“Story”
The end.
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